Friday, December 20, 2013

The Madonna Says

I'm not sure exactly how it came about, but somehow my father and I started collaborating on a project where he selects old master images of the Madonna and Child, and I write first person captions for them, from the point of view of the mamma. Weird? Yes. Perfect for Christmas? Obviously! I therefore bid you a very merry xmas and farewell until next year with this very special, holiday-themed Art Friday post. Merry merry! First up, the caption for the above: 

And then we’ll have the pasta for dinner. . . wait, What? Are you really already big enough to hug me back? Whoa.

 I love you too.

How’s your digestion doing there, kiddo?

I’m going to eat your nose, yes I am, I’m going to––ack! Wait! Let go! Let go of the veil!

Yep, he’s a baby. A real actual little baby with baby fingers and baby toes and proper baby proportions and everything. Pretty amazing, huh?

Ok, you can hold him, but you can’t make fun of my swaddling job.

Um, excuse me? We have a question. Do you happen to have any extra diapers around this joint? Or maybe even some footie pajamas? 

Oh midget angel, thank you so much for taking him, just for a little while, I’m just going to...yawn...take a quick...nap…

Ok just another half hour or so at this family gathering and then we can go home and have bathtime, ok?

I’m sorry, what did you say little bald guy? I was distracted by the incredibly awkward angle at which I am holding this child.

Thank goodness we have Daddy to regale us with his amusing stories, or we’d really be bored sitting up here.

Everyone’s looking at the baby, maybe no one will notice if I just close my eyes for a minute.

Sure, you can hold him for a bit. And thanks for bringing us these birds, that’s so sweet of you.

Do not crack a smile, do not crack a smile, about the fact that this old dude looks just like our Winston Churchill baby.

Hello! Hello sweet baby! This flower is coming to get you! Yes it is!

Shhh you cherubs, back away slowly into the clouds, I finally got him to sleep…

Get your hand out of my shirt you silly goose! You’re like four years old. 

Hey, whoa, get back here! Yes, the man with the paint brushes is fascinating, but I need you to stay on my lap, wiggle-worm.

You know what? I really like your face.

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