1983
the day I came home from the
circus holding a huge balloon that
as soon as we walked in the house
popped
and I wept and wept and exclaimed
I’m dumb dumb dumb dumbness
just blossoms out of me all the time
and my parents heartbroken by my
sadness but also finding my childish
words endearing rummaged around
and gave me a tiny enamel pin of a
paint set they’d been saving for a gift
it was lovely and I wept harder because
now I’d ruined that present too revealing
the thread of self-loathing I’d carry
that nearly all of us carry into adulthood
I can feel that day’s feelings with precision
today because in my lowest moments I still
think I am a person who ruins everything I
touch
image source is here
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