October 26, 2005
The first rainy day of the autumn
I’ve thought I heard it raining
or maybe only heard cars on the wet street
several nights lately
But I hadn’t seen drops actually falling from the sky until today
It’s lovely to walk to work in the rain
the resumption of a long-standing pleasure
after an inevitable hiatus
My waking up has become elaborate
byzantine and gradual
Bill’s alarm goes off early
I’m not even sure what time
maybe five o’clock
I’m not conscious of hearing it
But of course the sound does go inside my head
and reverberates around in there
so that’s the first baby step towards waking
Next I am dimly aware of him getting up out of bed
and of the sound of the shower
which starts about ten minutes later once he’s done shaving
I sink my face deeper into the pillow
full of immense gratitude that I don’t yet have to get up
I fall back to sleep
The next time I wake a bit more thoroughly
when he comes back to bed in his robe
and I rest my head on his terrycloth shoulder
and immediately fall asleep again
Then it’s just before six and time for us both to get up
(how long has it been since he came back?
no idea) another alarm goes off
This one I do hear
though distantly
He shuts it off
turns on the bedside light
gets up
goes into the kitchen
turns on that light
makes coffee
Making coffee involves opening and closing the freezer
opening and closing the cabinet
filling the pot with water from the tap
and banging around with the coffee maker
Once it’s been set going
he comes back into the bedroom to get dressed and says
It’s time to get up now baby
in a normal speaking voice
and reluctant though I am
I do as instructed
That’s the minor miracle that this slow crescendo
of movement and noise and light and banging has wrought
I don’t think I’ve actually followed the instructions of anyone or anything
asking me to get up
the first time
for more than a decade
I rise from my bed and walk into the bathroom
with the flat footed lumbering gait of a sleepwalker
image source is here
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